When you do start having sex, Needle recommended giving yourself permission to be new at it. “Choose partners who make you feel comfortable enough to ask questions, laugh when something is awkward, communicate openly and figure things out together,” she said. “Sex is experiential, so some things can only be learned by doing. But you don’t need dozens of partners to learn them. You need experiences where you feel safe enough to be present, curious and honest.”
“What really matters is whether you have been educated about the importance of not knowing what to do,” Sokoll added. “If you show up to a new partner believing that you already know what they are going to like, you are likely to be wrong and to have bad sex. The quality of the sex is determined by each person involved. Allow yourself to not know, to ask, to listen, and to notice in yourself what is exciting, arousing, or just feels good.”
What if you’re the partner of a late bloomer?
If you’re dating someone who’s a sexual late bloomer, try to resist the urge to see yourself as their teacher, Needle said. “Every relationship involves learning about each other, regardless of how much experience either person has. Instead of focusing on what they haven’t done, focus on creating an environment where they feel safe enough to ask questions, express preferences, and be honest if something feels awkward or unfamiliar. And you should feel comfortable doing the same.”
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