“Many queer people are stereotyped by society as hypersexualized ‘sex addicts’ or indiscriminate in their sexual desires,” added Scott Duquette, a sex and relationship therapist and supervisor at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy’s Sex Therapy Division in New York City. “These stereotypes may unduly burden them with pressures to conform to social expectations, despite their actual desires.
But these challenges aren’t limited to gay men. “My male clients struggle far more when they are the partner with less sexual experience,” said sex therapist Eva Dillon, a psychotherapist in New York City. “The cultural expectation that heterosexual men should be sexually skilled and have had many partners is alive and well.”
Does lack of experience mean you’re sexually doomed? Is everyone else at a competitive advantage?
When it comes to sexual inexperience, the bigger obstacle is usually self-doubt, not the absence of experience itself, McNichols said. “Worrying about how you measure up can take you out of the moment so that you leave your body and get stuck in your head. But that reaction is about anxiety more than anything. It has nothing to do with lacking some superpower.”
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